Lost Soulmates

Leaving Jason and Evan is a blow, a nightmare I never wake up from.  While “dying”, keeping my eyes closed, I hear Jason say, “Please, baby, don’t do this to me…not now”. 

With every breath lost, I am breaking Jason’s heart, while my soul shatters.  I have extreme guilt for leaving, knowing that I can never die.  I am lying to him for eternity, the pain of losing the man I married 40 years ago is unbearable.  Since I am dying, I cannot cry, I cannot change my mind, all I can do is lie there and feel Jason’s world disappear. 

Jada is right, I should never marry a human.  Getting attached only hurts people.  We can never be them or live among them. 

Jada is also wrong.  I am the only one left with the pain, knowing that Jason dies and I live.  I am left missing him, touching him, and kissing him. 

I’ll live on in another life while he dies. Leaving him is my curse, my karma, for loving him.

No More.  I’ll never get attached to another human again—no husband, son, life on Earth.  I’m staying in the desert. Silent, peaceful, and endless, persistent heat, which is the state of my immortality.  I refuse to live another life of loss and pain. 

Mediating, increasing my powers, my peace, and watching humans seem better than loving them. 

I decide to watch humans like television. 

Through telepathy and mind reading, the entertainment I witnessed around the world helped pass the time and, strangely, helped me heal from losing my family.  I would sometimes channel Evan to see him raise children with his wife in Sudan.  Evan was so happy with his family, but I sometimes felt the sadness of loss in his heart.  He loved me like a mother and missed me dearly.  He’d tell his children stories about Jason and me with such excitement in his eyes.  Evan’s favorite story with us was playing in the sand during summer vacation.  He shared how we’d spend all day burying each other in the sand and chasing each other with eels found in the ocean.  He’d sometimes read his favorite bedtime story, “A Series of Unfortunate Events,” a book about abused orphans, to his children.  Evan always gushed about how lucky he was to be loved.

I stopped watching Evan and his family after he died at 102.  He left behind a legacy of wealth and abundance for his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  Some became doctors, scientists, pilots, a Senator, and a famous graphic artist.  And they were all good people. 

I am most proud of this.

I continue to stay in the unspoken, quiet desert, watching people and meditating.  There is a certain peace to my solitude.  I’m getting too comfortable with this new life in hiding.  One century turned into three centuries, and I am happy to avoid pain. 

Jada, David, and Ellin come back every 50-60 years to start a new life, but I am never interested in joining them.  I am content in silence and witnessing. 

In the year 2320, my life alone changes.  With my telepathy, I visit a man’s dreams.  The man is not from my time; my telepathy takes me to the past in the 1940s. Sometimes, I show up in his daydreams while he is operating the train.  The man is a train conductor in Ireland; he had a beautiful wife and 2 sons.  There is so much love, but the man always feels that something is missing.  He never feels at home with his family.  His feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and discontent mirror my own.  I become an addict to a man who shares the same journey and one question. 

What’s the point?

But he loves them fiercely, and his wife is very patient during his times of discontent.  I exclusively watch this family, especially the man.  I am drawn to his goodness, his emptiness, and his ability to love through all of it.  The man is missing a woman.  I can not make out who the woman is in his dreams; she always disappears when I enter his mind. 

Was she an ex-lover, his mother, or the one that got away?

I continue to study his dreams every night, observing his daydreams of traveling from one country to the next, dropping off passengers, spending time with family, and fantasizing about the woman.  My curiosity grows with each passing year until the man is on his deathbed.  He speaks to a nurse about the woman in his dreams; he never meets her but loves her, even more than his wife. 

As the man takes his last breath, he says, “I’ll always love you, Tara.”